Confessions of a Sentimentalist

jotting the history; living the moment; dreaming the future

the rain after a long drought

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It’s been a long time.

And all it took for me to remember the existence of a blog that had once been the epitome of the highlights (and maybe lowlights) of my life was a shot at putting all my thoughts into words while sharing photos of Spain on Facebook. (Yes, I actually got myself to Europe. How did that happen?!) It’s like a freaking dam broke and suddenly my brain exploding with phrases and sentences and feelings and emotions all at once. And then I am writing this.

It took some time, I know. Quite some time. I completely get it. I would probably regret it when I look back gazillion years later, only to find this gap of nothingness during the days between the pre- and post-poly graduation. If I could use one word to sum it all up?

INSANITY.

Well at times it’s rainbows and unicorns but sometimes the unicorns just had to pretend it was the amazing Niagara Falls and shit some bricks and have it land and pound on your head continuously. Seriously, at times like these you would never know where it is gonna land and when it is gonna hit.

And let’s face it. I have never really been at ease with filling a piece of paper with my feelings like I was Shakespeare. I was never able to do that; it was difficult for me to write like I am an English major – which I am clearly not – or a blogger or even someone who has the English language as her first-language, and I absolutely hated that I didn’t have this talent. But hey, I came through. And here I am exploding words that hopefully mean something, not that I care if it makes sense to others anymore. Hah.

This hiatus has been one of the most enduring path towards self-discovery and esteem. And it hasn’t stop. I don’t think it ever will, nor do I wish it would. At least I guess that’s how people learn and progress, right?

The transition from a student to having a diploma and making use of it in the real world – in other words, the twenties – isn’t a small feat. Lots of hurdles – confusions, anger, lacking of direction and a myriad of emotions I didn’t even think had existed just appeared in my life like it was meant to be there. But I have come out being a wiser, stronger (in mind, prolly not body), and improved person than I once was. Well that and may be a little more introverted as well. Okay.

But this doesn’t mean it’s over. Just because I have seen the light at the end of the tunnel AS OF NOW, it doesn’t mean there won’t be any more deep and dark and long and dark tunnels and caves that I will venture upon in the future. But I’ll keep holding on. I hope. Hopefully.

I really wish this sudden adrenaline to write isn’t a one-off kind of thing. I want to come back. I couldn’t really do it on paper because of the never-ending thoughts that come spewing itself at me that I could never be able to catch up. But this typing thing works as of now. I have always loved the idea of transforming my abstract thoughts that come and go into concrete elements that I would always be able to look back. I love that I am able to write and reconnect with myself through my words. This new chapter is gonna rock. And like every other, I don’t know what will come next. But I’ll have to face it anyway.

For now, it’s more lesson plans I have to face.

Til next time!

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Written by GekTeng

July 17, 2014 at 12:26 AM

Posted in Uncategorized

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