Confessions of a Sentimentalist

jotting the history; living the moment; dreaming the future

>Guess I’m no different than me 14 years ago

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>I don’t have a bedroom to myself. 
Only my laptop and phone and a good book with me. 
I wear 2 alternating pairs of shorts and shirt every alternate days. 
I would not use the computer for 3 days and feel nothing at all. 
There isn’t even starhub cable tv. 
I share rooms in a 4 room flat, compared to a whole room to myself in a 5 room flat back here at home. 

But can somebody tell me why I’m missing ahma’s place already? It’s only been less than 3 hours since I left.  
And can anyone tell me why I’ve not spoken, not even 5 sentences since I stepped into this house once again?
Or how I’m feeling so alone in my bedroom with EVERYTHING a girl would want?
And how about why the only thing I can hear is the sound of the tv booming in the background? 

I guess I need therapy. 
Being able to curb and control your emotions better makes you suffer inside. 
How I wish I could howl like the days when I was still a kid about not leaving ahma’s. 
But then I’ll break my parents’ hearts. 
Just like I did when I was young. 

But whatever I do, I’m still the little kid I was. 
Dreading home and school. 

I really hope I have something positive to post next time. Going JB for a short vacay tomorrow. Itinerary looks fun, but I can never be sure. Especially if I continue to harvest these feelings inside me. 

Whatever the case, I certainly feel better after writing it all out. I hope I will regret what I’ve typed or prove myself wrong in the future. Mom and Dad aren’t that bad. Especially Dad. I love them. I just don’t like to be home with everyone but feel all alone at the same time. This feeling can kill a person inside, and it’s the life and interaction I have at ahma’s that keeps me alive, for most cases. Therefore I have the reason to get whine-ny when it all comes to an end and it’s time to return ‘home’. 

God, why am I such a heartbreaker. 

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Written by GekTeng

October 22, 2010 at 11:27 PM

Posted in Uncategorized

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