Confessions of a Sentimentalist

jotting the history; living the moment; dreaming the future

>Alone at home.

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Yes, almost all the Mondays of my vacation are spent alone at home. Usually I’ll opt to go ahma’s to stay for the week, since no one will be at home until around 7 at the very least. But I’ll spend Mondays in this empty fortress waiting for 5PM. Yes, that is what I live for on Mondays. My tuition thing thing. It’s ending soon, I’m sorta feeling neutral about it, just that my only source of income is gone. But well, I don’t think earning money is my priority right now.

I’ve been feeling a little emotional these days. Okay, I admit, VERY emotional. It all comes down to people who cares but who tend to express their words a little tougher for people like me to accept. Yeps, thus there’s misunderstandings and sadness and the feeling that the world’s just better off without me. That’s what I was feeling THEN. But I’m glad I’m alright now(;

Many times today I often wondered what I’ll be doing if I was at ahma’s. I always tend to have the feeling I had when I was a kindergatener of waiting and missing home while being stranded in school come back to me these days. And to be very very honest, it’s not a good feeling to have. Especially you are in your own home. Without anyone but yourself, though.

Was watching TV the whole day. Thank god for entertainment shows, I managed to survive on my own during these long and treacherous 7 hours. People say those who are afraid to be alone are not comfortable with themselves, and failure to seek inner peace makes you feel lonely and weak. In other words, you rely on people to help you survive. I don’t believe in that. Sure, I’d love to have moments of solitude and quiet reflection time to myself, but not to the entent where it has to stretch for so long. I love relating with people, especially with the ones whom I love and can have fun with. I just somehow have to come to terms with people leaving and gone as time passes. Ahhhh, look where all these are going again.

Well, gotta get dressed, for the long-awaited tuition at 5.

Heavens, no. It’s raining non-stop. ARGH.


Written by GekTeng

September 27, 2010 at 4:30 PM

Posted in Uncategorized

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